Friday, December 20, 2013

From the Ridiculous to the Absurd

Ohioans, your rights have been infringed upon!

For years now you have been subjected to unreasonable restriction, and your freedoms as an American have been trampled on—and most of you probably don't even know it. You have been subjected to a violation of your birthright.

You've been made—nay forced—to drink beer under 12 percent alcohol by volume.

12 percent. That's egregious.

Fear not Ohio. Representative Dan Ramos (D), from Lorain, Ohio, has a proposed legislation to raise the legal alcohol by volume lint to a far more reasonable 21 percent. According to The Plain Dealer's, Ramos want to finally bring equality to the Buckeye State.
"More and more people I talk to realize this is about leveling the playing field for these businesses so they can compete with what's going on in other states."
Mary Matineau, executive director of the Ohio Craft Brewers Association—according to the same source, says:
"If it goes, through we'll support it...It's something that our board has discussed, but it wasn't an issue we were going to triumph"
With a rousing endorsement like that, how could this heinous proviso not be amended.

21 percent simply makes more sense—It's 12, backwards. That's progress. But why stop there? Ohio shouldn't simply strive to be equal to other states, it should seek to innovate—and then dominate. Cincinnati, Toledo, and Akron are already demanding a raise to 43 percent, and I think we can all agree that Stuebenville's own Dean Martin, would have also gladly switched from booze to beer if an 62 percent Barley Wine had been available in 1952.

Aside from the obvious positive economic impact 88 percent beer would have on brewery profits, it could also be a boon for the bar and restaurant industry. Think about how much bars could charge per pint if the beer was served flaming. Raising the ABV limit is also beneficial to local townships and municipalities. I don't know what the fine is for being 178 times over the legal blood-alcohol driving limit in Ohio is, but I'm guessing it's pretty high. Columbus could raise enough money to build a new city pool after a single DWI stop.  Raising the ABV limit is a win-win for everybody.

I think it's safe to say most Ohioans would agree with this fully unencumbered New Yorker, when I call for 100 by 2016.

I can hear the crowds now...

One hundred... one hundred... one hundred 

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