They Love Me in Brazil

Brazilian wax?

My post from the last Session (12-Steps to Beer Snob Redemption), has garnered a few mentions across the the beery blogosphere. First from Stan, and more recently from Max over at Pivní Filosof, the Czech Republic based Argentine, beer writer and philosopher. While I'm hoping all this fuss doesn't mean that I've hit my peak with beer blogging I am a bit flattered.

That all being said, Max's, involvement has added an extra bit of craziness to the situation, and his South American roots play into that. Not only does Max blog about beer in English, he also translates his posts into Spanish (or maybe the other way around?) Since his mention, I've noticed a good number of hits from Spanish and Portuguese written websites. Every day I notice more and more visits from readers in countries like Brazil, Spain, Argentina, Honduras and Portugal. That in and of itself is pretty cool, but to get mentioned on someone elses' blog is really great. As much as I admire and respect both Stan and Pivní, there is however, one shout-out post that stands out in particular.

The Brazilian music/beer blog If you don't like to rock this is the wrong place to be, has re-posted my 12-step rant—in Portuguese. I love the fact that something, so stupid—that I've written—has been translated into another language. But, what's far funnier than anything I could have come up with is the English to Portuguese back to English translation that Google translator has produced. The nuts and bolts of the original post is there, but something may have been lost in translation. Here's a few comparisons between the original and the new Portugized (I just made that word up) version:

3. Understand that your opinion is not, necessarily the only opinion.

Unless you say Nazis are bad or I'm the most charming man in the room, I might not always agree with you. You may enjoy pig anus flavored beer—more power to you—I'll pass.

3. Know that your opinion is not necessarily the only opinion.

Unless you say that the Nazis were bad people, nobody is obliged to agree with your opinion. You may find that beers with more than 1000 IBUs are the best - congratulations, you're fucking - but remember that this is still your opinion.

Thanks for the congrats, I've been practicing. I think I've got the hang of it now.

7. Believe that, "This beer is good" is an acceptable way of describing it. 

What you say: "Oh my! Do you get notes of charred baobab and beaver musk?"

What they think: "This guy is a dick."

7. Believe that "great beer" is an acceptable way to classify a drink.

You say, "Gosh, you caught the great aromas of dried fruit and date combined with the dry finish that beer?". People understand, "This sucks, this guy is boring as hell.." You are not defending a master's thesis at the bar table. If you liked, say that beer is tough and ready! If people want your opinion sensory can be sure that you will ask.

A tough and ready beer? Does Chuck Norris own a brewery? 

8. Know that drinking from the bottle will not kill you.

If you're at a cook-out, and the host doesn't have proper glassware, don't worry, it'll be okay. Look at your plate—you're about to eat a burnt hot dog and warm macaroni salad—having a tulip glass doesn't really matter, does it?

8. Learn to drink straight from the spout of the bottle will not kill you. 

Have you ever eaten hot dog in the park, pick up a piece of barbecue that fell to the ground, ever eat poorly washed lettuce, mayonnaise won already eaten... You really think a beer without the proper glass will kill you?

This last one is my favorite. First off the intro sounds like they're talking about someone drinking from the hose—like your dad made you do when you were a kid. More importantly, what's with picking up the barbecue off the floor?! I get the five second rule and all, but who does that? That dude must have been starving! A hot dog in the park, then the dirty, ground barbecue, all topped off with unwashed lettuce. Watch your fingers, folks and don't get too close to that guys mouth. Thank God that mayonnaise, won though.

Now, I suspect (You're assuming again, Craig. I know—Shut up!) that the translation of the original English into Portuguese was probably a bit silly, as well. Nothing translates perfectly, so a little word-smithing by my Brazilian friends, may have been necessary. It does however, seem to be a be a bit editorialized in a few places. I'm cool with that, the gist is still the same—the jokes may have been lost, but they weren't that funny anyhow. I'm just glad someone is reading it. I'd love to see it translated into a whole bunch of languages. Russian would be cool, or Cantonese. I will admit to having my fingers crossed for a version in Klingon—but that's just a dream. Either way, please spread the gospel of anti-beer snobbery and, as always, congratulations—you're fucking.